LeBron "I Have No Shame" James

Cav fans are burning LeBron's jersey. HAHAHA! We, as humans, seem to go pyro by default whether it's joy, sadness, anger, or whatever. We have smart phones but we're still stupid. ::shaking head::

Father's Day Card

So here's my Father's Day card. He liked it so much he's having it framed. Mexicans are such a proud people full of wonderful cultural activities. Like drinking beer...smoking cigars...and wearing a ranchero hat. Hijole.

RIP Mr. Vera

This isn't going to be a funny blog. A good family friend just passed away of a heart attack on Memorial Day. I'm angry and sad. Albert Vera was the former Mayor of Culver City, City Council Member, and owner of several businesses, including the famous Sorrento Market, to name a few. This isn't an obituary.

A little background: Last month Albert Vera allegedly pointed a gun on the tire of a truck at his place of business because they wouldn't respect his wish to refuse the delivery. I don't know the whole story but can assure you this was not the normal behavior of the man I knew while growing up. Sure, he's known for being shrewd and stern in his politics, but he was also known as a fair and generous man who'd give out free food and smiles daily. What he allegedly did was probably the wrong way to handle a small problem. No doubt. He was scheduled to appear in court today, the day after his death.

But I'm curious. Who is this D.A. that was so eager to press charges against the now deceased and terribly missed Albert Vera. I would love to hear a statement from that non-contributing zero now that he has passed away from a very unexpected heart attack. Albert was a friend to the community, a family man, a veteran, and a dedicated politician and business man. He lost one son already and was watching the health of his wife of forever slip away. That and running several successful businesses, I'm sure, is an immeasurable amount of stress that didn't need to be amplified by an ambitious and douche of a D.A. who was probably only looking at this as a career move.

Nothing personal. I know I'm just upset that a friend has passed and possibly looking to place blame.

We lost a good man. Albert Vera will be missed.

You know what kinda rhymes with Success? Mess.

So yeah... I'll try and sum up my Mother's Day BBQ for ya: 

*Dad's guacamole needed one more Serrano pepper, not THREE more - tomorrow should be interesting. 

*Zuhair's shorts were way too short - even funnier as he's a very leathery tanned and hairy Muslim. 

*Mom got a little tipsy on Corona and kept repeating with every fresh beer how she needed to watch 60 Minutes tonight. 

*My rosemary red potatoes were apparently just "OK" - aka nothing special.. aka probably could of enjoyed the day without them.. aka they suck, but the dog loved them. 

*Speaking of, my rottweiler gets more family love than I do - even though someone did pat me on the head at some point, but it's just not the same. 

Overall it really was a fine success.

Nike's new Tiger ad

Nike's new ad is genius. Unlike the companies that severed their endorsements, Nike realizes that Tiger Woods IS a brand. He is Nike. Not just his clothes, clubs, and swing...but also his family, actions, and mind. Instead of shying away from it, they took the issue head on and even used the voice of his deceased father, Earl Woods.

The perfect Sunday begins with...

Fresh produce, guilt-free sampling, strange vegan foods, breakfast burritos that rival small children in size, an 8-piece band playing Hava Nagila, pony rides, procreators, master debaters, and Sunday's LA Times...all this and sharing it with great company. Oh how I do love Santa Monica Farmers Market on Main. :)

MTV is run by Terrorists...Well, maybe.

So MTV redesigned their logo… Big fucking whoop. Seriously, did you see the change? They just shortened it! If anything it looks worse. They’re so outdated it’s ridiculous, and they think that by creating more “Miscellaneous Money Making schemes that have nothing to do with Music” (as my friend Ms. Ramsy explains the “M” in “MTV” stands for) that no one will notice. WE noticed.

I think that channel has actually done more damage to our youth than anything else I can think of in the past 10-15 years. The Internet doesn’t hold a candle to the shit MTV has so malevolently crammed down our throats. I remember the beginning of the end when I would turn on the tube and start flipping hesitantly toward MTV hoping and praying that they would be playing videos of some worth. Didn’t take me long to realize that if I wanted to fancy a music video of any sort, I had to become even more nocturnal than I already was (damn you Skin-emax) and punish my eyes and ears with “popular”, painful pop-culture piss that some old fart decided was worth playing that night.

In fact, it can be alleged that MTV (please don’t sue me) is really run by terrorists and this has been their plan all along... Not to destroy us infidels head on, but to infect our vulnerable youth with poor values, low self-worth, and an overall terrible sense of fashion. By methodically dumbing down the state of our union to the brink of "Idiocracy" we'll become decrepit and assailable. Then Luke Wilson will have to save us. Only he can't... Because he's fat now... And he eats babies like Chiclets.

Yes it’s just a theory. And yes it’s far-fetched and straddles along the lines insanity… But in my humble opinion, it makes less sense to watch that overrated sewage they’re pumping. What if we just circle back to our dusty record collections, warped cassette players, and grainy 8-tracks, with open ears and clean eyes, in search of some sort of truth we’ve forgotten long ago... Kick back, spin some tracks and embrace them like your favorite body part.

Or we could all just change the fucking channel.  

2010: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about anything and that’s unacceptable. I need to make more time for this. Some people don’t care for poorly written, emotional rants from friends they, until now, held in high regard. My answer to that: Fuck them. I like to think they have daddy issues. That being said, I’ll try to entertain the masses with a few paragraphs about my first 11 days of 2010 broken up into three glorious parts…The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly.

The Good
To say that I successfully quit smoking cigarettes is a lie. I still crave my little white sticks of cancer like Luke Wilson craves cake. What I did do is cut way down. You see I only smoke when I drink booze. A copout thing really since I drink more often than I like to admit. Not saying I can take down your local barfly, but I certainly do enjoy my nightcaps and vinos most days of the week. Point is I’ve only indulged in a few smokes since the New Year which means that I’ve not had too much to drink in that span of time either. We do these things for ourselves, but I can’t help but think a certain health conscious friend of mine would be pleased. And that’s good. Well, enough about that. I can almost hear the crackles of potential clients and employers burning my resume as they read this.


The Bad
I hear they’re bringing back another season of Leverage. You know that reprehensible show on TNT featuring several no-named actors riding the coattails of a washed up Timothy Hutton, in a “drama” that carries as much suspense as a game of tic-tac-toe. Have you seen the special effects and fight scenes? I could have sworn that in one shot they just held up a toy plane with strings against a background that looked like the refrigerator art of someone with "special" kids. But ask me how I really feel. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on the actors. Maybe it’s just TNT that deserves the blame for pushing godawful shows like that and The Closer. Yeah, that one. Did you know they also signed for another season?! This means all of us sports fans, that don’t mind watching the NBA on TNT with favorites like Barkley and Weber, have to endure further eye bleeding torture from those wonderful ads of Kyra Sedgwick trying to act like a badass with a heinous southern accent and oddly shaped mouth. Some careers should and can be reinvented, however these are all bad.

The Ugly
Saw a commercial for a Senior Dating site after the New Year and threw up in my mouth a little. I suppose we all have needs - and kudos to Archibald and Ethel for wanting to get some - but yikes. That’s almost as bad as that commercial I saw for a Latino Dating site. Word? Being a Lebxican I feel I can speak my mind here and say that is probably the most nonsensical thing I’ve heard so far this year. How is it that Hispanics need the extra help in finding another brown brother or sister? First, they’re everywhere. You can’t go anywhere without tripping on a MexiCAN. Second, they procreate and populate faster than most Christian-based races I know of, including the Irish. Don’t think I forgot about you fuckers. How can it be difficult to meet a suitable mate with odds like that? I’m not a bigot or racist by any means here. I’m just saying that’s ugly.

Happy New Year everyone. ;)