When I'm not in the trenches of entertainment publicity, or at a new speakeasy having a whiskey, I'm probably geeking out to sci-fi and government conspiracies. No, I'm not wearing TV series uniforms and making alien hand salutations, but I am loving Star Wars as it will always be major part of my youth and movie memories. Now what if it was really part of our history??
Directly from the folks at ISWWR (If Star Wars Were Real) comes this collection of historical photos featuring aspects of the Star Wars universe in the real world. Wouldn’t history be so much cooler if these were true? Who’s to say they’re not?
HA! "We Built It" is the Republican Party's defining theme of their misguided campaign... And it's based on something the President never actually said. Republicans and Fox News doctored video to their liking when in fact Obama said "...you didn't build that..." while referring to the infrastructure (roads, bridges, etc) the government builds to maintain stability in entrepreneurship and the working class.
It's well documented and pathetic. How stupid do they think we are? Oh right, they appeal to ignorance.
I have a need to vent. And ladies, I apologize in advance if this offends.
Here are some things NOT to do when on a date... these all happened. These will not score any fun points, nor would I likely be down for another round.
Don't...
be mean to service people. It's not cool and very unattractive despite your looks.
complain about the wine list by telling the managers "It sucks. You picked the worst wines from every region." That's just embarrassing.
ask me to sleep with you and inquire whether I have herpes in the same sentence, out loud for everyone to hear.
tell me you have never been turned down for sex....especially after the above question.
take my wallet jokingly, then pay everyone's tab with it at the end of the night....on a first date. That's not funny.
get us kicked out of a taxi.
get so wasted you fall and split your head open for an ER visit and 30 stitches. Buzz kill.
inform me that your ex-boyfriend is Ryan Gosling.
tell me you'd love to date me, but only on Mondays thru Wednesdays because the other days you're raging.
call my friend when you want to talk to me. I have a phone and it makes them feel awkward.
list off the luxurious brand names you're sporting. I'm not impressed.
tell me that you only communicate via text and you don't talk on the phone...ever.
start preaching how much you support Mitt Romney. Discovered this is a bigger turn-off than I expected.
dress up like it's club night everywhere.
make everything about Texas or Florida. We get it, you're proud of your home state. Now move on.
wear a baby-tee when I'm taking you out to dinner. I will not be eating the food off your belly.
agree to dinner if you hold a spoon like it's a shovel.
tell me I'm Puerto Rican.
tell me I'm Greek.
ask me if I know any terrorists. I am one.
It's not all bad. I do enjoy the adventure and of course meeting new and interesting people. But these are the more recent negative experiences that lead me to believe there is no shortage of bat shit crazies out there.
It was only a matter of time that someone would combine the undead and ‘Star Wars’. Jeff Hulligan of Cleveland, Ohio, did just that when he conceived this twisted art series to commemorate the 30th anniversary of ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. They were originally created primarily using acrylic paint and ink on torn paper applied to wood canvas.
Jeff is selling prints of all six characters for $50 on Etsy. I just bought a set! Click here to do the same.
Below are individual images of the series, including Stormtrooper, Darth Vader, Rebel Pilot, Boba Fett, C-3PO & R2-D2.
With this week’s Mega Million Lottery fever, and today’s $500 million drawing, it occurred to me that if and when there’s a winner that lucky bastardo still has to claim it. And for arguments sake let’s just say that person is me - because I am so going to win this motherfucker. Now, I won’t be stupid enough to walk into the local 7-Eleven asking to double-check or even for the prize, but I’m sure some schmuck has done that. But wait… I can also throw caution to the wind and rely on those wonderful people at the post office by mailing my ticket with the address clearly marked for all to see:
California Lottery
730 North 10th Street
Sacramento, CA 95811
Attn: Prize Payments
Yeah no. I’ll take my chances on the road, thank you very much. What concerns me more here are these so-called “California Lottery District Offices”, where I can take my winning ticket to and claim my glorious prize. Fair enough. Except that I noticed these offices are located in not so great areas. In fact, I’ll be so bold and call them shady (shitty). For example, the nearest lottery office to most Angelinos would be in fucking Van Nuys. Seriously? It’s strategically placed by a strip mall with a Food4Less and Denny’s in case I wanted to endure my last taste of poverty with a Grand Slam Special.
Let’s also consider the criminal element of not only Van Nuys, but of the entire city staking out these locations. It would be suicide to even walk up to this office after the drawing. They do announce that there is a winner. Nobody has a clue as to who, but you know damn sure I’m going to claim it within 180 days. How sketch would this be for me? Things going through my head would be: Where do I park? Van Nuys? Do I hire security? Police? Can I even trust them? Van Nuys? Should I dress in disguise? Delivery man perhaps? Van Nuys?
Well say I decide that The Valley isn’t where I’d like to end my life. Here are the other safe and secure Southern California Lottery District Offices where I can also surely be absconded of my wildest dreams by armed thugs:
Inland Empire: Yeah, the 909. Also, the foreclosure capital of the world. But hey, no one really needs the money out there.
Santa Fe Springs: Known for it’s industrial factories and piss-poor air quality. In fact, the office is located in between truck yards and railways. Woot-woot.
Santa Ana: Ungodly hot area where today’s news headline reads, “Ax Handle Beating Death Case”. Pass.
Regardless of the risks I’m winning the lotto tonight then rolling the dice at one of these murderous locations soon after.
So I just noticed something about this Heineken commercial 'The Date'. This guy is supposed to be some uber cool beer drinker that we all want to be like.
But I think he's actually kind of a dick... Here's why:
First, he avoids the door fee by sneaking in the back entrance of a club where he decides to fuck up the kitchen. He flicks dough at some hard working asian cook, then he throws a fish they're preparing. They can't wait for him to leave. And when he does he tries to steal a beer off a waiter's tray. His hand is quickly slapped away. Mooch.
He goes through swinging doors leading into the club where he immediately makes fuck-me eye contact with the hostess. Hey asshole, aren't you on a "date"? I mean, you've nearly been yanking this poor girls arm off dragging her behind you.
Next there's the eel aquarium where I'm sure the proprietors don't want anyone spooking them by smacking the glass. Hasn't this guy ever see a "DO NOT TAP GLASS" sign on fish tanks? Needless to say the eels freak out and start leaping out of the damn tank. He can't help himself.
Did you see it? He immediately tries to steal another Heineken off of a waiter's tray. Once again, his hand is slapped away. Persistent mooch.
He runs into this magician who, with a wave of his hands, produces a fantastic floating bunny out of thin air. Holy crap! The man might have well turned water into wine. And what does our favorite free-loader do? He makes a mockery of the man's profession by pretending to pull a Heineken out of his mouth. The magician is lucky to get his beer back and is clearly pissed. I'd watch my back if I were him.
Now he gets caught up in the show onstage where a chinese dragon is performing behind a lit-up, thin screen. He smacks the dragon in the face, dives through the screen tearing two huge holes, starts dancing like an idiot, and throws his date onto a chair. Clearly she's high as shit because she can't feel the pain of both her arms being dislocated from her torso by now.
Finally a waiter brings this free-loading, terrorizing liability and his smack-loving space cadet a Heineken in hopes that he'll stop tearing up the joint. It works, but the path of destruction is undeniable.
The club is thinking of no longer serving Heineken.
Kudos, ESPN. There will be no ear-bleeding, brain-sucking, hick-inspired opening montage to Monday Night Football tonight! Hank Williams Jr. is a piece of shit.
So I wrote that comment on the ESPN Facebook page and frankly, I'm frightened by all the conservatives that believe calling President Obama "Hitler" is OK to do by some washed up entertainer on a sensationalist news network like Fox News. Freedom of speech? We've all seen this happen plenty of times. Sponsors drop athletes. Teams/leagues fine and/or bench players and staff. Even reporters sometimes issue apologies for making an ignorant comment. Look, I'm no expert on freedom of speech, but I'm fairly certain that an employer can hold you accountable for your actions.
There's even a "Boycott ESPN for Hank Williams Jr." Facebook page. Seriously? How fucked up and divided as a country have we allowed ourselves to become? And this all reeks like a political ploy on his part as he's planning on running for a Republican Congressional seat in Tennessee.
So all that being said, I'm happier for ESPN's decision. It was an annoying song before I knew Hank was a crazy conservative. Equated it to that of Sarah Mclachlan's animal cruelty commercial. And I love dogs! But that beeyotch almost had me kicking puppies just as this mofo had me cringing before MNF. And besides, I'm pretty sure Hank eats babies, hates ethnic food, and clubs seals.
